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From A Big Girl’s Perspective

I’m a plus-size girl. Recently while out at a restaurant, a regular size, very good-looking man sat down at the table next to me. I suddenly felt very self-conscious. I began doing what I always do – looking for an escape route that would go unnoticed. A skinny girl wouldn’t have these thoughts. A skinny girl may have done a little flirting. But what’s visible about me is my size and what I’m judged by before I even open my mouth.

I’ve dieted my whole life and can’t remember a time when I wasn’t concerned about my weight. I grew up with a very supportive mother who made me feel that I could accomplish anything I wanted to. But when I got into my teens, she began telling me that I needed to lose weight, explaining that it would be more difficult for me to find a life partner as a big girl. She meant well.

So taking my mother’s advice, I went to weight-loss camp when I was young and there I was introduced to boys and the so-called bases. It was a different world there. When I did manage to get thin, I had a few boyfriends. Suddenly, I was noticed. But I eventually went back to my old ways and, as a result, boys didn’t notice me anymore.

Being overweight again, I didn’t date at all in college. It wasn’t until I was about 25 or so that I decided I wanted to start dating again. I was lonely and wanted what all my skinny friends had. So I began searching for a way to find men to date without all the self-conscious feelings of the past. I came across largeandlovely.com, an online bbw dating service, and suddenly, I felt free of all those past insecure feelings.

My friends were setting one another up on dates, but I was never included. It was obvious that no one would ever find me attractive because of my weight. I guess it was tough for my friends to say to someone that they have a great girl for you to meet, but she’s fat. Are you okay with that? That made me extremely uncomfortable…and angry! People are so superficial. No matter how many magazines start featuring plus-size women, a woman who’s heavy still isn’t considered as physically attractive as a woman who’s not.

There’s a misconception that plus-size women are insecure with their bodies. It’s true, there have been times when I’ve felt hurt and uncomfortable at bars because men were talking to my skinny friends and ignoring me. And if I noticed a group of men snickering at me, I just knew they were making fun of my size. But my size has never dissuaded me.

When I started on this bbw dating site, I got a crazy amount of invites. Before I registered with that site, I didn’t realize that there were men out there who preferred a plus-size, curvy girl. Now I know that the skinny girl isn’t necessarily the “norm”.

I’ve been seeing someone now, seriously through that wonderful bbw dating service, who has given me new found self-confidence and security. He definitely cares about me and likes spending time with me. If he could spend his day staring at my ass all day long, he would. He’s opened my eyes to the fact that there are a lot of men out there who prefer plus-size women and that the pool isn’t as small as I thought it was. And I feel very secure and confident when I’m with him.

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