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Fat and BBW Dating Again

If you are overweight and trying to date again, you may find that it’s a little trickier to date online these days. With that said, I’m going to give others some dating advice that’s based on my experience as a plus-size, middle-aged woman who is looking for a long-term, loving relationship.

I’ve been overweight my entire adult life and have had an eating disorder since my teens. And so “fat” has been an issue that I’ve had to struggle with since I was born. When I was in my late teens, I decided that dieting just wasn’t working for me and, therefore, I pretty much gave up. That’s not to say that I had never been told to lose weight by others and/or never wished that I was born with better genes. Nor did it mean that I didn’t try to convince others that losing weight was pointless and, in my case, resulted in eliminating some people out of my life because of how they criticized my size. I never tried dieting again.

Here are some tips that I found helpful and would like to share:

BBW dating at middle age

Finding myself alone and middle-aged, I found myself ready to start dating again. I was well aware that my size was going to be even more of an issue than it was when I was younger. I gained weight due to being very sad and depressed, and I found comfort in food to help get me cope. Food was my crutch! Even though I’m heavier now, I’m still able to function and lead a normal life. I’m tall and so most of the men I meet are shorter than me. I had heard that some men prefer overweight women and are not ashamed to admit it. They sounded like the kind of men that I would want to meet. The term for these types of men is “Fat Admirers”, although many of those men don’t even know that term.

I wondered what issues I would face being a plus-sized woman, and if bbw dating was a real thing or if it was even possible to find love that way. As always, when faced with a problem, I went to the bookstore and found a book about fat and relationships called “Big, Big Love.

This book taught me so much about the BBW/FA movement and, also, gave special advice on love-making for larger people. While the book does talk about physical intimacy, I found it to be non-offensive at all. The book also talked about how strange it is that 65% of us are fat, but that we are still often treated like second-class citizens.

The best part of the book was that it stated that 10% of all men are “Fat Admirers”, meaning that they freely admit to preferring women who are plus-sized. I decided to do a quick search on craigslist to see if I could get similar results. I also searched “BBW” in the relationship section of men looking for women. I found that 10% of the ads did mention “BBW”. For every ad that said “No BBWs”, there seemed to be one that said “size is not an issue”. So it seems that the stats were correct. One fat admirer activist, in particular, claimed that 65% of men are actually fat admirers. Since 65% of women are fat, you can’t beat that logic. It appears that 55% of those men are closet fat admirers.

I tried Match.com, but didn’t get too many responses. Although they have a bbw dating section, I think they just say that to get more members in a large demographic. When was the last time you saw a Match commercial that shows plus-sized people finding love? I also had someone on OKCupid tell me I was cute, but that I was too tall. I’m also middle-aged so I know middle-aged women don’t get hit on all that much, especially if you’re a woman in her 50’s. I wondered how much of the response was due to me being fat versus some other factor, like my height, my looks, my income, etc. To find out more about the fat issue, I signed up for a smaller bbw dating site. I did get a better response, but I’m not convinced that I’m being judged on other things besides just my size, which I have no control over.

I decided to give the exclusive bbw dating site my sole attention and I did meet some true fat admirers, as a result. It was wonderful! I’ve been on some really awesome dates and have met some really nice men. Not only did they not make me feel uncomfortable when I ate, but they truly loved my size and curves. One of them even commented on how attracted he was to my stomach! That was pretty strange, although I had read that it does happen. So I wasn’t totally shocked by that. Finding someone who actually prefers my body type is at the top of my list for my next relationship. I’m convinced that I will find love again through the bbw dating site!

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