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Don’t Let Your Self Conscious Keep You From Love

We all are taught from a very young age that in order to have our fairy tale ending and be successful in love, we must stay as thin as possible. That is most likely why we don’t see plus size women with thin or average size men in the media. The thinking is that thin, attractive guys should only be with thin, attractive women. There are no plus size cartoon Cinderellas riding off into the sunset with Prince Charming. There are no Melissa McCarthy’s starring in films alongside Brad Pitt as the love interest. Fat bodies go with fat bodies; thin bodies go with thin bodies. And that is it.

Most of us can agree that our society tends to perceive plus size people as second-class citizens who should hate their bodies. We’re constantly bombarded with weight loss campaigns, commercials for slimming pills and surgeries. Sadly, this means that when a lot of plus size individuals are approached by “good-looking” counterparts — both in real life and on-screen — it can be difficult to believe that the attraction is legitimate. From my own experiences, I know that compliments from a potential guy are often regarded with suspicion. But I also know that this self-hatred and doubt is poison to any relationship, and especially to yourself. My husband taught me this.

I met this wonderful man on an online bbw dating site. The first few months of dating were filled with insecurity and doubt on my part. This guy was handsome, and not just by my standards and I couldn’t help but question his motives. Why was he asking me out? Was he on this bbw dating site just to experiment with a big girl? Was this like some kind of a cruel joke? I wanted to believe that the interest was really there, but doubts overwhelmed me destroying any confidence I may have had.

Even once we started dating, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t good enough for him. Was he checking out that pretty brunette walking by in those sexy heels? Was I the biggest woman he had ever been with? Did he join this bbw dating site on a dare from his friends? The flood of negative thoughts were only fueled by the looks we would get when we were out. I could feel the disapproval and whispering comments cast in our direction. We were clearly considered an odd couple.

When I finally found the courage to ask him the questions that filled my head, the combination of anger, surprise, and outrage that he displayed was shocking to me. It had never even crossed his mind that people were judging us, and he was upset at the fact that I had been seeing myself as less than beautiful.

And you know what? After hearing this man tell me how he didn’t see my plus sized body as a problem, but saw me as a desirable, beautiful, and caring person, made me realize that I’d been spending way too much time concerned with the petty perceptions of others, and not nearly enough time regarding my own feelings about my body. Sometimes, having someone shut down any negative talk in your head just may be the push you need to acknowledge just how stupid the negative self-talk is to begin with.

The more I allowed my confidence to grow, the more I discovered that it was my own confidence that made me feel sexy. It wasn’t lingerie, jewelry, or high heels. It was the secure feeling of knowing that I am beautiful.

In a society that profits from our self-doubt, choosing to love yourself is an act of rebellion. When people see my husband and I, him the “good looking” male, and me the “fat” woman showcasing our love, it challenges stereotypes. Sure, it makes certain people extremely uncomfortable. But if you are not ashamed of your body, and if your partner is not ashamed of your body, those outsider opinions begin to fade.

Some women may shy away from joining a bbw dating site for fear of being used as some cruel joke or the fetish desires of some whack job. I’m here to tell you that although there are men out there that do not see plus sized women as desirable, there are also a lot of them out there that don’t see your size as an obstacle, but see the person within, the beautiful, caring woman that they truly want to be with. That is why a bbw dating site makes sense and is how I found my dream man. You can too…take the first step and don’t be afraid to jump in. Not all of the men will be Prince Charming, but you may just end up with your fairy tail ending after all. We all deserve that.

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