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Dating Can Be Fun!

While I appreciate the thoughtfulness that went into this list of online dating do’s and don’ts that I came across for plus-sized women, something about it left a bad taste in my mouth. I’ve always been curvy and plus-sized, which has made dating a nightmare. That had a lot to do with my own self-esteem issues, however.

Admittedly, that could be in large part because I woke up this morning, walked over to my coffee pot and was like “Oh, cool! There’s coffee from yesterday in here. ICE COFFEE IT IS!” But as I am most inured to the effects of eating and drinking things in various states of rot, I must turn back to the article as the source for my gastrointestinal distress.

It’s interesting, in theory, to compile a list of online dating for plus-sized women like myself on the prowl for unfamiliar faces to acquaint ourselves with. The problem with the list as it’s presented, though, is that it reinforces the idea that plus-sized ladies have to go into dating with a different set of expectations. That makes all of my parts sad. Sure, there are absolutely do’s and don’ts when it comes to dating online – but they don’t change contingent upon the dater’s pants size!

I came across one particular online dating service, largeandlovely.com, that gave me back my self-confidence and self-esteem because I no longer had to deal with going on first dates, only to see the disappointed look on his face at discovering my size. This dating service is only for single men and women who are specifically looking for large-sized people. That’s due largely because they know what others don’t bother to find out – that people are people, regardless of their size. We all have wonderful things to offer and we all want to find that “special someone”. This plus sized online dating site made my dating experiences wonderful, fun, exciting…and productive!

Having such happy results through this wonderful dating service, I returned to those generalized rules for online dating, just to see if I needed to “tweak” anything. They’re not bad. Stuff like “always be honest about who you are and how you look” is solid. Regardless of your size or any other distinguishing personal characteristic, being truthful in presentation is important because (duh!) it shows you as a person who can be trusted, and also, a person who isn’t ashamed of who they are.

But some of the other items seem to toss a little shade. “Treat others how you want to be treated’ is a cool idea in theory, but even if you’ve got this self-acceptance thing down, you can’t teach a gaggle of pre-teens biking past you on the street that it’s not nice to call you any assortment of rude names!

At the end of the day, I think there is only one rule for online dating and for life, and that is in the immortal words of Bill and Ted: Be Excellent To Each Other.

That all squared away, let’s bring on the funny, with a list of 5 Things A Plus-Sized Lady Should Absolutely Never Do When Online Dating:

1. Pick A Pun User Name.

Worried about how your potential date might handle the news that you are every bit as luscious as depicted in your profile pics? Put it all out there with your user name.

2. Be Aggressively Confident.

On a first date with a guy you’ve met online and he’s being sexy-sweet, saying something like, “You’re so beautiful” Be sure to bark back at him “OF COURSE I AM BEAUTIFUL – WHAT? DO YOU THINK BEAUTY IS THE EXCLUSIVE PROVENANCE OF THE THIN?” – then hit him.

3. Play By The Numbers.

You’ve begun to flirt with a potential date over Al Gore’s greatest invention – the internet. Bully for you! Before things go any further, be sure to communicate to your would-be partner that you have slept with thousands of people, whether it’s true or not – that way, he knows other people have found you to be desirable and is key to your happiness.

4. Reverse Psychology.

A guy messages you! He’s found your profile witty, your interests complementary to his own, and your looks stoke his engine. To be sure that he really, really means it, respond to his request for a date as follows: “Thanks so much, but I know you are just asking me out to be nice”. Then sit back, and let the games begin!

5. Food Food Food!

You’re on your second date and you’ve gone from a glass of wine to a full-blown dinner! This is exciting! To be extra sure that you keep his interest, don’t eat in front of him. It’s one thing to be a fatty, but another thing entirely to be a fatty who eats food for enjoyment and sustenance. #uncute.

Sad truths: in some less dramatic forms – each item is something I’ve totally been guilty of doing in one way or another. It’s crazy to me how willing we can be to sabotage our own happiness. Let’s not do that anymore! I don’t have to because largeandlovely.com matched me only with men who aren’t surprised at who answers the door when they pick me up for our date!

Okay, what’s the biggest mistake you’ve made when dating online? And what were your dating experiences?

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