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BBW Online Dating – Intimidating?

I’m a plus-size, single woman who has dealt with feelings of intimidation when meeting new men in the dating world. I discovered, by talking with other plus-size women, that I’m not the only one facing these feelings. They, too, had all but lost hope that there were any good men out there. For me, a bitter divorce, a cross-country relocation, and a substantial weight gain from emotional eating had eroded my confidence and self-esteem. Despite my inner beauty and attractive features, I became convinced that no man would look at me because of my size.

On the advice of a close friend, I decided to try online bbw dating and found a really good online dating service. Through this service, I discovered that there were, in fact, many men looking for women like me, some who could actually relate to my feelings of intimidation and inadequacy. My friend helped me with setting up my profile and, thanks to her help, I’m enjoying a much more relaxed and fun dating experience. Here’s some helpful secrets that I’ve discovered:

The first secret when considering online bbw dating is:It only takes one. One special bit of chemistry, one man who appreciates or prefers larger women, or a man who is intrigued by reading a woman’s candid and dynamic profile and chooses to take a chance outside of his comfort zone. Just one! I found this to be true when I found and communicated with men.

The next secret is: Practice getting outside of your comfort zone. Instead of meeting your girlfriends for wine tastings, shopping, museums, or movies, try contacting a few men with the intention of just practicing the art of flirting to build up your confidence and possibly make a new friend in the process. Realistically, while most people aren’t perusing dating sites for friendship, you can choose to get your feet wet by starting slow. If this is too difficult, then consider taking some extra time with your appearance. Wear your favorite shoes, get your nails done, and take yourself out on an outing of your choice. Practice just being out, carrying yourself with confidence and taking note of the reactions of men you make casually come in contact with. Train yourself to ignore the negative voices that are plaguing you. They are no longer welcome!

The third secret: You will discover, after stretching yourself, that success builds confidence, and confidence attracts others. You don’t want to be “rescued”. You want to be “loved”.

So how do you get started? Try an online bbw dating site and post an honest and informative profile.

Photos: This will likely be a real challenge, as well as the biggest psychological challenge that you’ll face.  So tackle it and move forward without over-thinking it. Get a friend, relative, or if you must, a local professional photographer to take pics of you in various environments. Post pics of you standing, sitting, headshots, and even doing the things that you are passionate about. Make sure you are honest about your body by posting at least one full body shot. You can choose 3 pics, at the minimum, for your dating profile.

Profile narrative: Here is your chance to shine. Showcase your uniqueness: your hobbies, interests, travels…anything, be honest, that will get their attention and help with a ‘connection’ to your similar experiences and interests. Take note of what resonates with you, and what turns you off. Just start, and then fine tune and polish it. Get advice from someone you know who writes well. Be honest about what you are looking for and never apologize for your size.

Send out some feelers: Send at least 10 messages to the men who have gotten your attention and interest. Be choosy, but don’t be ridiculously choosy. Remember: This is a practice exercise. You will get as many opportunities as you like with future communications.

If someone responds with interest: Ask them if they would like to get together for coffee or tea. Try to avoid first meetings at bars or restaurants. Those places are more intimate and may cause some feelings of awkwardness. If they ask you first, that’s all the better!

If you are ignored, rejected or insulted: Believe me, you won’t be the first or the last to experience this frustration and confusion. Size is only one of the factors that could be responsible for a non-response, rejection or downright rude comments. Distance, writing style, interests, parenthood, age, career choices…all of these play a part in someone’s attraction or lack of interest. Shrug your shoulders and don’t over-analyze.

Finally, stop waiting for later to come. Later doesn’t exist! If you put off using an online bbw dating site until tomorrow to create a fresh start, tomorrow has a funny way of turning into the next day, the next week, the next month, etc. So do it now! You can always make changes in any direction once you are on your way. And you will become more comfortable as you stay on this journey!

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